What's In a Number?

17 - August 17, the day I gave birth to you.
17 - My age at your birth.
14 - The number of years since your birth.
14 - The number of years you've been gone.

13 - The number of birthday cakes I've eaten without you.

13 - The number of years I've had a tattoo for you.

9 - Decemeber 9th, your due date.
7 and 21 - The number of hours and minutes you were alive.

0 - The number of minutes I held you while you were breathing.

∞ - The number of minutes you will be in my heart.

Dear Adrian,

You are my first born and will always be the first man who stole my heart.  I love you forever and always and I just hope you know it.  I hope you are having the time of your life with your Great Uncle Russell, Great Aunt Ann, Great Mamaw and Great Papaw.  You touched so many lives in such a short time and changed the lives of some of us forever.  Our lives were never the same now that you're gone.  I hope now that you are playing in Heaven that you look down and are proud of me and know that I would have been the best mother that I could have been.  I pray that you know how much I love you and that you know that your sister and brother are in NO way a replacement for you.  You ARE my son, my first born, and the son I buried.  In life your children are supposed to bury you, not the other way around and I felt cheated that I didn't get to know you other than all the kicks and punches inside my stomach.  But I know at the age of 17 and you arriving 15 weeks early, I wasn't prepared for all of the complications that we would face as a mom and son.  God looked down and said, "it's ok, I got him."  You took your last breath at 1:45 pm at Huntsville Hospital, closed your eyes and went to Heaven to be taken care of, to play without breathing tubes and without complications.  You went to be a boy, a child, with your TRUE father.  It's still hard all these years later, but I know it's for the better. I know you are good and safe.  So, today will make my 13th cake without you and I will sit under the oak tree at your grave and look up and know you see me and know your happy.  Please don't be sad for mommy even though I'm crying, I'm crying because I miss you and it's natural.  I'm also crying because you're happy.  Please know I love you!

Your mom,

Tricia

crib card from Helen Keller Hospital

card that was placed in the incubator for his trip to Huntsville

Keller Hospital gave me his bracelets and some of his hair

his bracelet from Huntsville Hospital that was cut off after he passed away

a card from Huntsville Hospital

inside the card...