Meet Mom to Big A and little a {Guest Post}

Today, I want to introduce everyone to one of my August Sponsors. She is Roshni, an Indian-American mom raising two boys, whom she refers to a Big A and little a. She blogs at Mom of Big A little a. And you can read more about her here. She blogs about her insights of raising two boys and her take on things. She's a great mom and blogger that I have gotten to know. So jump on over to her blog and show her some love, I'm sure you will enjoy your stay.

Hi, all Today with the Tennery readers! I’m so excited today at being able to share my first guest post with all of you!

As Tricia mentioned, I blog mainly about my two boys, Big A, age 8, and Little a, age 4. Today, I want to share with you a letter that I wrote to Little a when he was just one.

A bit of a background of why I wrote the letter first! I used to have a complex in my childhood that my mother must love my brother more than she loved me simply because he was her first! I frequently use to ask her (hoping to catch her unaware!) who she loved more and she, very patiently, used to answer that she loved both of us equally. I now know that that was an outright lie!! Granted that she said it because she could not possibly have explained it to me....but now that I am a mother myself, I know that you cannot measure and compare your love for your kids!

I love my elder son because he is my first. I wrote about him here, here, and here. He will always have that special place in my heart for being who he is. This post is dedicated to my younger son, Little a.

My dear son,
When I knew that I was pregnant with you, I was overjoyed but I was also very anxious. I knew that I loved your brother to distraction. And, I knew that I didn't know if I could love you as much. I hoped I could. I didn't want you to go through the pain, however misplaced, of being the younger, less-important kid! I was determined that even if I could not love you as much as your elder brother that I would never let you see it!!
How silly I was! You came into the world and within a few days, you carved a special place in my heart that no one else can ever take over! Do you know what you do to be so special?!

When you were brought back from the hospital, I was prepared (resigned, actually) to start off on the 2 hour schedule - 2 hours of sleep followed by screaming for your milk followed by another two hours of fitful sleep. In your brother's case, this was the routine for the first 3 months. You were the most calm, peaceful baby I have ever seen! To the point, that I was so anxious about whether you were growing normally! However, at every doctor's visit, I was assured that you were very healthy, so I finally accepted that it was your sweet temperament. I still remember that you used to wake up, and then make a soft mewling sound. Once I picked you up, you would actually stop crying! You somehow knew that you would now get your milk and you just waited patiently for me to offer you some! This is something all of us have yet to get over.

Once you grew up a bit and were at crawling stage, I went back to work. You would play happily and peacefully by yourself under your grandmother's vigil. When I returned with your brother from preschool, you would usually be in your grandmother's lap waiting.

When you saw me, you would smile, but then your eyes would move past me looking for your brother. As soon as you saw him, your whole face would break into the most magical smile lighting up the room! You would then launch yourself out of granny's lap, crawl with super-speed to your brother and then hold your arms out be lifted up! The image of that beautiful scene always brings a lump to my throat. Now, every time I see you two squealing with laughter and playing, I feel blessed and relieved that neither of you is jealous of the other.

I love your particular, finicky nature. Even though you are just one year old, you still point to your diaper after your morning poop, asking me to change you. You then struggle to take off your pajamas and once I show you the clothes you are to wear, you try to put them on yourself. You already know which drawer holds your socks, so you get out a pair and try manfully to put them on...but then you are sweet enough to let me help you. You adore wearing your shoes too and so, we got you a special pair that you can wear in the house. In fact, your first word was "shus"!

I love that you like sitting at your little table that you share with your brother in your small plastic blue chair. You like your snacks served in your small bowl with a teaspoon and you sit very carefully and move the food around till you manage to get a minuscule bit on your spoon to eat. Of course, this entire impressive scene is reversed when you shower everything (including your mother) with a spray of fine food particles, indicating that you don't want to eat any more!

I find it adorable that you do not fling yourself down on the floor like other 'uncouth' kids when you are having a tantrum. Instead, you carefully get down on your hands and knees and place your face and mouth on the carpet before bawling! No doubt, you want to muffle your cries a bit so that the person in the next room doesn't get disturbed!

I love that your eyes start shining when you realize that we are going out! You step out in your cute little shoes and then look to me and extend your hand out. I offer you my hand and you carefully select which fingers you will hold on to. Sometimes, it’s my index and middle fingers together and sometimes it is my little finger that you want. You grip tightly and then look forward and start running and squealing with delight at the same time! I find my fingers automatically curling up so that I can catch you and swing you through the air in case you stumble.

I find myself holding my breath at the way you launch yourself without hesitation or fear into your dad's arms and laugh loud when he flings you and catches you! You know that he will never drop you!

I'm touched when you come to me for every little bump or nick that you suffer and look pleased when I caress it and kiss it! And, when you creep up behind me when I sit on the carpet and wrap your chubby little arms around my neck, my heart is full to overflowing!

Finally, last weekend when we visited our friend's place, you were confronted with two flights of scary carpeted stairs that I thought you wouldn't be able to navigate without tripping and falling and breaking your neck. I tried hard to get you to hold my hand, but you just shook me off and compounded my fear. So, I decided to try and teach you the easy way by asking you to sit on the topmost step and gradually inch your way down in that position. You patiently listened and tried it for the first two steps and then, just when I was smiling in relief that you had learned that fast, you flipped on to your belly and slid down the rest of the stairs with a cute grin on your face!!

As I watched you slide away, my heart just broke a little bit! You're just one! You are my last. I know you want to be like your elder brother but don't grow up so fast, baby!! Don't slide away from me yet!
With much love,
Mamma